(*Author's butt-in: I was right in the middle of writing my epic - in a real serious part of the story when I thought I needed a break and write something really silly. Here it is! Hope you have as fun reading it as I had writing it! Tamysan7)

"Lotor Makes A Love Connection...!!"

(Chuck Woolery steps out, natty in his blazer and causal T shirt and slacks,
big smile!)

Hi! This is your host, Chuck Woolery, and this is Love Connection! 

(...audience clapping..)

Chuck: Well, lets go to our first Love Connection guest, give him a hand,
folks..Prince Lotor of Planet Doom!.

(..audience clapping... Lotor strides out in his usual manner and sits

Chuck: Hello, Prince Lotor! Welcome to Love Connection!

Lotor: Hello.

Chuck: Okay, Prince Lotor! We're here to find out how your date went
with..(looks at card) Princess Allura! 

(audience claps...monitor comes on with Princess Allura on it...)

Chuck: Let's welcome Princess Allura of Planet Arus! Hello, Princess!
(audience claps... Lotor just stares at her, totally enraptured...) 

Allura: (smiles prettily) Hello, Chuck! You may call me Allura."
(Lotor's still mesmerized)

Chuck: Ah, Prince Lotor! Hel-lo!! Anybody home? 

Lotor: Oh, sorry, just thinking...

Chuck: Ok, Allura, please tell us about your date with Prince Lotor. How
did it start?

Allura: Well, first, he comes over to my planet Arus, and threatens it with
total annihilation unless I go out with him... (she frowns slightly)

Lotor: Wait! Now I don't do that for every girl! You're special, Allura!
(gets moony-eyed)

Allura: (rolls her eyes) So, I go out with him, even though the guys on
the Voltron Force aren't too happy about it... After all, it's my planet...

Lotor: That's another thing, I don't want my bride running around with four
guys! Well, I don't know if that Pidge person qualifies as a  guy, but
anyway it looks bad for the future Queen of Doom, the mother of my
children...(Chuck Woolery interrupts)

Chuck: Please, Prince, let Allura tell her story...

Lotor: Oh, yeah. Go on, my beautiful princess...(gets that look again..)

Allura: (Shrugs, and looks at Chuck) He's so possessive! Anyway, I go out
with him. He picks me up in this little one man Batman-looking ship... I
have to sit on his lap!!

Lotor: Hey, I didn't hear any complaints from you, my sweet! Besides that
ship gets great mileage... 500 parsecs per gallon!! And it's not a Batman
ship! I had that before the movies came out! Warner Bros. copied it!

Allura: How could I complain? You were trying to kiss me the whole time!

Lotor: And that's not easy to do with a stick shift, let me tell you!!! (He
smirks that wonderful smart-ass smirk we all know and love)

Allura (tries not to smile) Anyway, back to what I was saying...he takes me
out to this planet way out in the middle of nowhere...um...Planet Tyrus, I
think. Anyway, we eat dinner at some place of his...he told me we were
going to the Outback Steakhouse! Dinner is actually quite good, and then
just before dessert, he comes 'round to my side of the table, grabs me by
the arm and says we're getting married! Doesn't even ask me! Can you
believe that, Chuck?
(Chuck shakes his head...)

Lotor: Allura, you should be flattered! I have never demanded that anyone
marry me before! I mean, I 'm a love 'em and leave 'em type of guy, but
you, well...(He bolts up out of his chair) You will be my bride, Allura!
(Chuck thinks: this guy's a psycho!!!) 

Allura: See what I mean, all the time, 'You will marry me!, be my Queen,
Allura!" You would think he would be a little more romantic about it..." 

Lotor: I can be very romantic, Allura...Just let me show you after the
show...(he gets a dirty-minded look on his face...)

Allura: (ignores his remark and look) Anyway, Chuck...I say no, he gets
mad, and he grabs me and kisses me! Then he pushes this button - a viewer
pops up and there's my planet! He says, "Marry me, or the robeast will
destroy your friends!" And there's the guys all hung up with this big ugly
robeast that's getting the best of them! Of course, we can't form Voltron
'cause I had to go out with this idiot! 

Lotor: (gets an angry look on his face) Always Voltron! Now Robotech...that
wasn't a bad series..."

Allura: Anyway, what could I do? I begged him to call off the robeast, but
he just smirked at me and said if I married him right then, he would call
it off. So I said yes..."

Lotor: That's right, Chuck! She did!

Chuck: Maybe you guys should be on The Newlywed Game...?

Lotor: Believe me, if we were married, we certainly wouldn't be on this show,
we'd be...

Chuck: (interrupts before he can finish) Ah...we get the picture, Prince
Lotor. Allura, please go on...

Allura: Well, I said yes, so he swings me around...I nearly lose my dinner!
When he sets me down, I say, what about the robeast? He says, not until
we're married, my sweet...and then he takes me by the hand and we go out
to his ship again. Of course, I have to sit on his lap again! I won't go
into details, Chuck... but let's just say it was not comfortable...
(Chuck nods)

Lotor: (under his breath) It was for me...

Allura: Of course, he tries to get the honeymoon started early! I'm suprised
we didn't get pulled over by the DPS ship!(Department of Public
Safety...author's note: I work for these guys in Texas!) I mean...he was
all over the place...(she blushes)

Lotor: (smirks again, then gets that look again) Yes, I sure was...
(Chuck gives him a look and thinks...This guy's definitely hasn't had any
in a while!)

Allura: Anyway, we fly to the planet of Las Vegas...He goes to this Elvis
Presley type wedding chapel with a drive thru and we get married, all in
about five minutes. And believe his lap really got uncomfortable during the
ceremony! I didn't even get to see Wayne Newton!!
(Chuck thinks...no details please...)

Lotor: Now why would she want to see Wayne Newton, after all, she's with me!

Allura: He's so conceited! After we get married, I say, ok, we're married.
What about the robeast? And he says, No, not until we have our honeymoon!
So I get mad and say, they'll be dead  by then! Then he has the gall to
smirk and say, 'Well, I don't think you'll mind very much after we're
through!' I was so mad at him! He starts pawing all over me again. I mean,
can you believe it? Me, the Princess of the Royal House of Arus doesn't
even get a nice place to stay for a honeymoon!

Lotor: (Gets all mooney-eyed over the memory) Well, I figured why wait...I
mean we were halfway there already! Just slip off a few clothes and ta da!
Pure bliss!!
 (Chuck again thinks...no details, please!)

Allura: (angrily) That's all you think about is sex, Lotor! There's more to
life than sex!

Lotor: Well, yes... There's sex, sex... and even more sex with you, that
is... My dear princess... (gets that look in his eye again) I can just see
in a leather bustier, Allura...

Allura: Agh! See what I mean, Chuck! Well, anyway, just as I was fearing for
my virginity...(Lotor thinks...she's a virgin? Dang, should've tried
harder...) the guys from the Voltron Force had freed themselves from the
robeast and came to my rescue! I saw them and ripped up the marriage license.
I said, "Lotor, we're not married anymore. The Voltron Force  is here, and I
don't have to stay here!" Well, of course, he doesn't want me to go, so he
tries to bluff his way out by telling the guys he will harm me if they try
anything. They don't fall for it, and they rescue me. We fly back to Arus,
safe and sound. And that's the end of my date, thank goodness!!

Lotor: She didn't even give me a good night kiss!

Chuck: (looking obviously relieved) Well, wasn't there anything good about
your date, Allura?

Allura: (Blushing)Well, to be honest, he did kiss nice...and he was sweet,
in a psycho kind of way... (then she frowns) Of course, that doesn't mean

Lotor: (smirking) I knew it! I knew it!

Allura: (angry) I told you that doesn't mean anything, Lotor! I never want
to go out on another date with you again!

Lotor: (still smirking) Why, my beautiful princess, you don't have to!!

Allura: (Looks suprised - she thought Lotor was going to raise hell) What?

Lotor:(still smirking, pulls out a piece of paper) Well, you see, my lovely
bride... We're still married!!

Allura: (shocked, then angry!) You're lying! I tore the license up into itty,
bitty pieces and had Red Lion burn it up!

Lotor:(still smirking!!!) No, you didn't! You grabbed my receipt from Pep
Boys by mistake...I think it was for a new turbo rotor... anyway, here it

(holds up the license for all to see, says: Elvis Presley Inc. Drive Thru
Chapel O' Love...Planet of Las Vegas/Denubian Galaxy...Rev' Elvis Aron
Presley the 83rd officiating... married Prince Lotor and Princess Allura -
deluxe ceremony $200 and don't pass GO)

Allura:(looks like she's going to faint!) Oh no!!

Lotor: (big ol' Texas s--- eating grin on his face) Oh yes!!! I've got the
leather bustier waiting, Allura! ...and a suite at the Clarion hotel on
Las Vegas!!!

Allura: Chuck! Help! I want a divorce!

Chuck: (Shakes his head) Well, Judge Judy's in studio 5B...

By this time, Lotor made his way towards the back and has Princess Allura
in a big smooch... you know, kinda of like Rhett and Scarlett!!)

Lotor: Well, what do you say, my beautiful princess?

Allura: (dazed) ah... fiddle-dee-dee?

Lotor: Allura...

Allura: Well...

(Chuck Woolery interrupts) 

Chuck: Guys! Are you married or not? If you are, I'll direct you to the
Newlywed Game in 10B...we've got other people here!

(They look at Chuck and then each other)

Allura: You did say the Clarion, right? Honeymoon suite?

Lotor: Yep!! And two tickets to Wayne Newton...ah later...much later.

Allura: Well...ok, you convinced me! Let's go, and make sure we ditch
Nanny! She's gonna have a cow when she hears this!!

Lotor: (all happy!!!) Yes!!!

(They leave without saying goodbye, Chuck is really relieved that they're

Chuck: Well, another happy ending, folks! Now our next contestants after
this break will be...(reads card)
Emperor Palpatine and...Hagar the Witch!!! Stay tuned and find out if
they made the Love Connection!!!
(audience claps as theme music comes on, intro to break...)

The End!!!!